Chapter Text
"Baby." Gemini whispered into Fourth's ear who was sleeping peacefully for the first time in a long time.
After the heart to heart talk Gemini and Fourth had the previous night, Gemini gave Fourth some sleeping pills so that he can be able to sleep and rest his mind.
"Mmmmh" Fourth groaned pushing Gemini away with his eyes still closed.
"Fotfot, wake up love. It's time for breakfast." Gemini said softly caressing Fourth's head.
"Five more minutes." Fourth mumbled turning around.
"No come on lazy bones. You have to shower, or we are going to be late." Gemini said grabbing Fourth's arm trying to pull him up, but Fourth has always have been the stronger one between the two so he tugged Gemini forward and he fell on top of him.
"Cuddles first." Fourth bargained while rubbing his head on Gemini's chest like a kitten.
Gemini usually couldn't resist it when Fourth acted this cute, but today had to be an exception. Fourth had an appointment with a therapist referred to him by his psychiatrist.
Fourth did promise Gemini that he will try, so this was his way of trying. Maybe if he tried therapy and talking about how he was feeling he will be able to work them out. He knew it won't be as easy as it sounds but he had Gemini there with him, every step of the way.
"As much as I would love to cuddle and stay in bed all day with you kitten, we can't. You have to meet up with Dr Pawat for your therapy session." Gemini said ruffling Fourth's hair making him groan.
"Okay fine I will wake up." Fourth said sitting up. Rubbing his eyes he asked " Where's Aree and Amree?"
"Mae picked them up, her and pa are on baby sitting duty today." Gemini replied and Fourth hummed.
"Get up and shower. I'll prepare breakfast so long." Gemini said and kissed Fourth's forehead.
Fourth woke up to shower, it was such a relaxing shower because during the shower he wasn't thinking about hurrying up to finish because the twins might need him. After the shower he realised that Gemini had set up his clothes on the bed already, this sweet gesture made him smile. Gemini was really taking good care of him.
On the other hand Gemini prepared pancakes, a fruit salad with some freshly squeezed juice for breakfast. He wanted to prepare something to Fourth's liking, he knew that today was going to be a tough day for Fourth.
It was the first time since his return from the hospital Fourth was going to be away from the twins, so he knew Fourth might be going through separation anxiety. He was going to try to make Fourth's day much easier, starting with breakfast.
"Something smells great!" Fourth said as he walked in the kitchen, he was rather cheerful as compared to other days.
"I made pancakes, I know how much you like them." Gemini said setting the table.
"Thank you teerak." Fourth said wrapping his arms around Gemini's waist, giving the taller a back hug and kissed the nape of his neck.
"Anything for you." Gemini replied placing his hand on Fourth's arm that were tightly wrapped around his waist.
They sat down and enjoyed their breakfast, Fourth kept smiling. He was nervous about the appointment but he tried to stay calm and positive.
"You look so pretty today." Gemini said looking at Fourth with loving eyes. He missed Fourth's genuine smile, the type were his eyes turned a crescent moon-like shape that made it seem like his eyes were smile and his face lit up.
"Are you saying other days I don't look pretty." Fourth said with a teasing smile before taking another bite of pancakes drowned in a lot of syrup.
"Is there any day you don't look pretty? With this cute face, you are effortlessly pretty everyday." Gemini said pinching Fourth's cheeks.
"Such a flirt." Fourth said smiling ear to ear, his rosy blushed cheeks glowing.
The couple completed their breakfast and Gemini drove Fourth to Dr Pawat's private practice. He looked up Dr Pawat and it turned out he was a really good psychologist, he was described as kind, with a welcoming smile and very empathetic. He should be perfect for Fourth.
"I will wait for you out here na." Gemini said and Fourth nodded and gave him a peck on the cheek.
"Mr Jirochtkul, welcome." Ohm said with a bright smile that made Fourth relax immediately. There was something about his smile that was comforting.
"Hello Dr Pawat." Fourth said with a wai.
"Please take a sit, you can call me P'Ohm. So that we can be more comfortable." Ohm said gesturing to the couch infront of him.
"Thank you, in that case please call me Fourth." Fourth said taking a sit on the black leather couch which was much more comfortable than it seemed.
"Okay Fourth. Before we proceed with this session I just would like to make you aware that everything that you share here today will be strictly confidential, I am however obligated to report to the correct officials should I believe that you might be a harm to yourself or others." Ohm said explaining everything to Fourth, his sincere smile never leaving his face.
"I understand P'Ohm." Fourth replied with a nervous smile. He expected something like this but he was going to be honest about everything going on with him.
"Okay great. So Fourth would you tell me about how you are feeling and what can I do for you today?" Ohm said smiling, with a notepad and a pen in his hands.
"I don't know where to start. Everything is just so complicated and I just want to rationalize whatever it is I am feeling or thinking." Fourth replied before taking a shaky breath in and out.
"Take your time. Start with whatever you are comfortable sharing and together we can try to rationalize it together." Ohm said and Fourth nodded.
So Fourth explained everything to Ohm starting with his unexpected miracle pregnancy and everything he went through that period. He spoke about the cesarean section, his near death experience, being in a coma for weeks and the voices in his head, along with the suicidal thoughts and constant anxiety.
"So that's why I am here P'Ohm." Fourth said and sighed heavily. He thought he would have broke down crying talking about everything but it seemed like laying everything out there made him feel lighter.
"Okay. Well seems like you went through a lot through the last few months. How about we focus on the voices in your head and the suicidal ideations." Ohm said, his voice warm and empathetic.
"Well Dr Korapat, my psychiatrist prescribed some antipyschotics so the voices subsided but the suicidal thoughts are still intense." Fourth replied fidgeting with the pillow he found on the couch.
"Okay let us explore that. Mind telling me more about them? Tell me what goes through your mind." Ohm replied while dotting down some notes on the notepad and Fourth nodded taking a deep breath in to calm himself.
Fourth tried his best to keep himself from breaking down. He wanted to remain logical and process everything, this was probably because he was an INTP personality. So he tends to be defensive about expressing emotions as it puts him in a vulnerable position.
"It feels like I am trapped in a box with no intentions to survive. I have been praying, asking God why am I still alive. I shouldn't be alive after everything you know. I go to sleep each night knowing everything I say is a lie and knowing that is enough for me to break down and cry. Knowing that I am lying to my loved ones." Fourth said and Ohm nodded indicating to Fourth to continue and he is listening.
" Ever since I can remember my father taught me to be tough and conquer my fears whereas my mother taught me how to love and it's okay to shed a couple tears. So I guess I have always been struggling each day to survive living my life with doubt." Fourth said taking a deep breath in, holding his tears in. He didn't want to break down, not now at least.
"It feels like I am trapped in a death hole with no hopes of getting out and I have am being tormented by the devil, he is like the puppet master and I am just one of his toys." Fourth continued to explain while Ohm continued to write down notes, maintaing eye contact, looking at Fourth empathetically and indicating that he is listening and he can hear him.
"When the thoughts get intense, especially at night when I am alone with my own thoughts it's like the devil has control over me, at least that's how it seems." Fourth replied and kept quiet for a second looking at Ohm.
"Okay I hear you. So these thoughts take control over you in a way?" Ohm asked and Fourth nodded.
" It some how feels like I have been wearing a mask lately and nobody knows or understands me." Fourth said and Ohm nodded.
"Why do you feel like you need to wear this mask? Why are you hiding?" Ohm asked.
" I don't know. We all wear masks in our lives. Masks are part of daily life, and in some instances they are indispensable. In way we put up this barrier to keep people from crossing into something that we don’t want them to know. Wearing a mask protects us from vulnerability. Inside we want to tell people what is going on in our lives, but we fear rejection and we fear that someone will make fun of us for what we believe and how we feel." Fourth said, in a way explaining it like this detached him from the situation.
It was like he was an observer, observing the whole thing as a third person.
"So do you put on this mask to protect yourself? In a way to be less vulnerable?" Ohm asked and Fourth nodded.
"Are you scared of being rejected and being made fun of if you are open and honest about your feelings?" Ohm asked and Fourth nodded.
"Do you feel like your loved ones will reject you?" Ohm asked and Fourth nodded.
"Rationally I understand that my family and friends love me but growing up like I explained that my father always taught me to toughen up and conquer my fears. So I guess in a way I have internalized that, believing that showing any sign of vulnerability was a form of weakness." Fourth explained honestly.
Rejection was one of Fourth's biggest fears, one of the reasons why he ran away to London after he thought Gemini rejected him back in high school.
"Fourth I can tell you are very intelligent and are aware of your emotions. But I just want to tell you that being tough or strong doesn't mean you shouldn't show any emotions and vulnerability isn't a form of weakness." Ohm said with so much sincerity in his voice.
Before ending their session they went through Fourth's anxiety, and Ohm advised him on a few coping mechanisms to deal with his anxiety and encouraged him to share his emotions with his loved ones or at least someone he trusts just to ease his burden.
"Well Fourth you have my numbers so you can contact me anytime you really need to. See you again in our next session." Ohm said concluding their hour long session.
"Thank you P'Ohm." Fourth said.
After the session Fourth found Gemini patiently waiting for him in the reception. This brought a smile to his face, how Gemini was willing to walk on this journey with him despite how tough and tedious it may be.
"All done." Fourth said with a smile.
"Are you ready to go home?" Gemini asked and Fourth shook his head.
"I don't want to go home yet." Fourth replied.
"Where do you want to go?" Gemini asked.
"Let's get some coffee and cake." Fourth replied with a smile.
"I know exactly where to take you." Gemini said wrapping his arms around Fourth giving him a tight embrace and kissed the temple of his head.
Gemini drove Fourth to a cute café which had a great aesthetic, it was like little Paris in Thailand. They served the best freshly baked cakes and coffee.
"Thank you for coming with me Gem." Fourth said and took a bite from his chocolate mousse cake.
"Don't mention it, I will always be with you. Every step of the way." Gemini said taking Fourth's hand into his and gave it a kiss.
"I love you." Fourth said. He truly loved Gemini and grateful for him.
"I want to marry you Fourth." Gemini said looking at Gemini. "I love you so much. I will wait for you na." He added.
"I want to marry you too Gemini. I am truly grateful for you." Fourth said and gave Gemini a kiss on the cheek.
Gemini grabbed Fourth's chin tilting his face to look at him and slowly leaned forward and placed his lips on Fourth's lips, giving him a soft and gentle kiss. Fourth's lips were soft, almost silken, and marshmallowly against his own.
